Bieber and Bublé to Tour This Summer in New Concert Series ‘Bublebubbbleburrble’
Future tour dates are still in question, as the stars are rumored to be going buberty. - photo by Brian Damp
Christina Valenti
Justin Bieber and Michael Bublé have announced that they will stun the world with passionate collaborations raging to a level higher than Bieber’s female hormones. In June, the two native Canadians will kick off their three-month tour in British Columbia, Bublé’s birthplace, and end in Ontario, Bieber’s maple-leaf-loving home. Although they will be performing in the more populated regions of Canada, the tour was compelled to spill over into the U.S. in order to make a profit.
Their first public appearance together was at a joint press conference a few days ago. Bieber and Bublé described how their common birthplace and similar names brought them together, and both showed up sporting Bieber bangs and matching Dolce and Gabbana suits. Bieber had his specially ordered from the children’s department of Bloomingdales, where he is a regular.
“I believe everything happens for a reason,” Bublé said, “and our merging of styles will only result in the most profound and passionate array of musical intensity.” This musical inspiration is a new genre the two are calling Bublebubbbleburrble. It is a combination of Bublé’s jazz-inspired vocal riffs and Bieber’s cutting-edge teen pop rhythm.
Bieber stated that he has always been inspired by jazz and swing, and recalls falling asleep to Bublé’s ballads during naptime in preschool.
In response Bublé, 34, confessed that he already saw Bieber, 16, as a son. He even promised Bieber’s mother that he would sing his young “protégé” to sleep every night.
Bieber and Bublé have also revealed that they are working on a duet that mixes Bublé’s smooth baritone and Bieber’s sweet soprano. They plan to perform a rendition of Sinatra’s “By the Way,” a song originally intended for male and female vocalists.
Purists raised concerns that Bieber’s voice cracking poses a severe problem. However, Bieber has hired a voice coach — his childhood wet nurse — to help him with the changes before the tour.
When interviewed separately, both seemed a bit hesitant about working together. Bieber said that he has less to gain from the tour than Bublé, since Bublé is being swept under the rug with Bieber’s emergence as the new Canadian superstar. Furthermore, Bublé is allegedly funding a private group of scientists to develop a vaccine for Bieber Fever — an epidemic sweeping through North America, infecting the tween population and threatening to damn more than 76 percent of the U.S. female population to a lifetime of solitude and cat husbandry.
Bieber Fever is a devastating disease contracted by even minimal exposure to Bieber. Encountering Bieber songs will ensure symptoms including elevated body temperature, heartache and difficulty in removing “Imma tell you one time,” from the brain. Bublé fears that upon seeing the teen heartthrob, his hopelessly romantic maternal fans will fall victim to the disease as well and boo him off stage in favor of Bieber. He urges all ticket buyers to get vaccinated, although he admits that even he gets a “Bieber boner” from time to time.
Despite whatever tensions there may be, Bieber and Bublé are filled with excitement for their upcoming tour. “It will be a chance for me to grow and recapture my youth,” Bublé said.
For Bieber, it will be “a chance to show the world a more mature JB.”
“Word to yo’ home slice!” he added, squeakily.
