Anthropology Grad to Apply Degree to Mother’s Fridge

“This is the proudest day of your life!” shouted Caldeira to her slightly skeptical mother. - photo by Pat Reischl

Nicole Teixeira

Anthropology major Jaimie Caldeira is reportedly “very excited” to be able to apply her degree to her mother’s fridge following her graduation on June 13.

UCSD Anthropology Department Chair Dr. Joel Robbins released a statement this week congratulating Caldeira on her achievement.

“Honestly, so many students transfer to real social sciences like English or history, or we literally lose them during ‘field research’ in the middle of Peru,” Robbins said. “So we’re glad somebody is actually graduating and doing anything.”

Caldeira credited UCSD’s strenuous undergraduate program for giving her the skills necessary to apply her degree to her mother’s fridge.

“I mean, you can’t just put anything up there,” said Caldeira. “I really had to work my way up — first with the ‘Hand Over the Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt’ magnet, then with my carefully detailed recreations of ancient Mayan temples, and finally to my complex depiction of horsies and rainbows.”

“I learned that last one in the sociocultural anthropology core class,” she added.

One of Caldeira’s former professors, Peter Stark, also pointed to the tremendous impact his ANTH 102 class had on her academic career.

“I taught Jaimie things she’d never learn in any other anthropology class,” Stark said proudly. “Like the meaning of ‘reciprocity,’ and ‘kinship,’ concepts she’ll use in whatever she does, for the rest of her life. I think she’ll be very successful with the schooling we’ve provided.”

Caldeira’s mother, however, is not so sure. “I have no idea what anthropology is,” Mrs. Caldeira said. “Jaimie keeps telling me it’s like the poor man’s English major. Maybe it’s just one of those things I hear about but never actually understand, like ‘two girls, one cup.’”

Caldeira’s postgraduate plans reportedly consist of explaining the last four years of her life to relatives who will politely pretend to listen at her graduation party; attempting to find jobs using a degree people don’t care about; and eventually convincing her family and friends she’s “really just doing field research as a hobo” in order to “better study the underlying societal relationships using the participation-observation methodology.”

But with her graduation a scarce 10 days away, Caldeira remains positive.

“Gosh, I’m really looking forward to graduation,” she said. “I mean, I can do whatever I want! Right after I pay off my student loans and get a job in a state with a 13-percent unemployment rate.”