2000 Year Old Buildings Still More Stable Than Greek Government

Thankfully, ancient Greeks had the foresight to install anti-looter incendiary devices. - photo by Ben Steen

Robin Betz

Despite nearly two millenia of looting, earthquakes, and fires, the stately buildings of ancient Greece have proven themselves more reliable than the government of the country, which has been plagued by riots, a debt crisis, and an inability to explain why its people eat things other than baklava.

The new Prime Minister Lucas Papademos was quick to point out the importance of a relationship between the government of its country and its buildings. “We must be strong. We must be tall. We must put lovely people inside of us.” he said.

Although the Papademos Administration passed a parliamentary vote of confidence, ordinary citizens are not so optimistic about the government’s longevity. “When a pillar collapses and falls down a bunch of stairs, it’s awesome,” one teenage tourist said. “But when some old guy does? Lame-o.”

“I don’t know how much I can trust the Greek politicians,” tourist Maria Stolichnaya said while at the Temple of Apollo. “The country’s colossal debt and parliament’s mismanagement thereof puts the entire Eurozone at risk of financial collapse.”

“Ooooh, look at the pretty columns!” she added.

The buildings themselves declined to comment on their relationship with the Greek government, with responses ranging from the Parthenon’s half-ruined, stately magnificence to splashing sounds from the ocean near the Acropolis of Athens.

“If only we were so wise,” Papademos said while at the Erectheion, “that we would stand in spite of our critics, saying nothing, content in being able to endure through the ages and remain hard.”

Many Greeks agree with Papademos, and admire the buildings’ constancy and dedication to the country’s economic viability. “Aside from coming to eat really good food, why else are people going to give us tourism dollars?” said one government representative.

However, a strong minority of Grecians disagree with Papademos and argue that the buildings’ stability came with too high a cost. “Papedemos is endorsing a profoundly unjust society based on slavery and an oppressive, classist patriarchy,” activist Accalia Hadjinpapakostandinopoulos said.

Greece’s new government is currently deciding on how to tackle the country’s mounting economic and social problems. The government’s ongoing operating expense is substantial. Although Papademos’ administration has means of supporting these overhead expenses, consensus has not yet been reached on which approach to take.

“I can’t decide between Doric, Ionic, or Corinthian!” said one frustrated member of Greek Parliament.